My (Shay) parents drove out from Kentucky for a visit this week and they came bearing gifts. We didn’t have a tree, but we had Christmas music playing and enjoyed watching the kids tear into gifts from grandma and grandpa. Here’s a few photos:
On Friday morning I got a voice mail from my dad at 7:00am. He said, “Call me back when you get a chance. Your grandmother died this morning.” Click.
For some of you, reading that last sentence might have you thinking, “oh man, sorry to hear that.” Well, thank you, but honestly I didn’t really know my mom’s mom. I spent a few sporadic days with her as a child and maybe have seen her only a handful of times since I was little. It’s just the nature of my family situation but I was never really close with any of my grandparents. I was the youngest of many kids and my grandparents have always lived a good distance from us. Obviously, I’m a little sad. Death is never something you can just balk at, or at least you shouldn’t.
This might sound weird, but I actually think about my dad dying a lot. Not because I want him to, of course, but because I know it’s going to happen some day. I think about his funeral and what I want to say. I think about how much of the family will be there and what I would want them to hear. I assume I’ll be able to speak at my dad’s funeral? Thinking about death is something we should do. For me, it keeps me “numbering my days” and “making the most of the time.” I don’t know why, I just think about it a lot. Even this afternoon I was playing with my 2-year old Titus and wondering what I would feel if God somehow took him. I would definitely be in pain, but because I know God is sovereign over everything I would hope that would keep my heart above water. I guess I just don’t want death to surprise me. I want to be ready, at all times, for death. It’s hard enough as it is to lose a friend or relative, so maybe by thinking about it more often I can try and minimize the hurt? I don’t know–I just know what goes through my head.
When I think about dying I realize that the individual days matter. What I’m doing right now at this very moment matters. It all adds up to the whole. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and think “man, I wish I would’ve ____________.” What is that? That kind of regret starts today somewhere. Whether it be spending time with my wife, kids, family or other things like reading the Bible more or working out to stay fit. I remember my friend in high school asking his mom if she was going to make it to our soccer game. She had a pretty intense job in the medical world. But she said, “Of course I will be. I won’t be at the end of my life thinking ‘wow, wish I would’ve worked more’. I’ll want to have spent more time with my family.” That’s making the individual days count–that’s thinking long term.
Christmas Tree 2011 from Shay on Vimeo.
Just waiting for baby sister to come, so we went out and played with some leaves.
You hear it all the time, everywhere, but you don’t always believe it. “They grow up so fast” you’ll hear parents say in the supermarket, the department store, and while you’re at Starbucks. There’s just something about the speed of life that dramatically increases when you begin to watch your kids grow up. I only have one, but as Titus turned 18 months old today it’s hard not to think he’ll be 18 years old in a short time. He’s got a mouth full of teeth, he’s saying new words every day, and he’s “growing like a weed” (as my dad used to say to me). The last year and a half has been a joy. I’m thankful for my wife and my son as we enjoy the journey called family together.
Found our son playing in the tub with all of his bath toys–sans water and pants.
Paul Tripp teaches at a conference in Hollywood, CA (Reality LA Church).
I had the privilege of sitting under the teaching Paul Tripp this past weekend at a conference called “Back to Heart of Parenting”. It was a great reminder about the power of the Gospel in parenting and Paul Tripp is a fountain of wisdom and I praise God for his ministry.
He’s been blogging a bit more lately, which I love, and a blog he published yesterday is just a great reminder about the “10,000 moments” in our lives that mold and shape us. He writes,
…biblical Christianity, which has the Gospel of Jesus Christ at its heart, simply doesn’t rest its hope in big, dramatic moments of change. The fact of the matter is that the transforming work of grace is more of a mundane process than it is a series of a few dramatic events. Personal heart and life change is always a process. And where does that process take place? It takes place where you and I live everyday.
Later he adds,
What leads to significant personal change? 10,000 moments of personal insight and conviction, 10,000 moments of humble submission, 10,000 moments of foolishness exposed and wisdom gained, 10,000 moments of sin confessed and sin forsaken, 10,000 moments of courageous faith, 10,000 choice points of obedience, 10,000 times of forsaking the kingdom of self and running toward the kingdom of God, 10,000 moments when we abandon worship of the creation and give ourselves to worship of the Creator. And what makes all of this possible? Relentless, transforming, little-moment grace.
I strongly suggesting following Paul Tripp on Twitter and adding his blog to your RSS Reader.
“All the world’s a screen”. At least that’s what my prof from college argues page after page in his book Meaning At The Movies. He also writes, “God made us in his image, and we make movies in ours”. So true. Sometimes the reason why movies (or television shows) are so entertaining to us is because it’s like looking in a mirror. We see our lives, emotions, thoughts, feelings played out before us and it’s very attractive and revealing about our own hearts. For more on this idea, pick up a copy of Meaning At The Movies, but in the meantime I wanted to show you this clip from a recent episode of The Middle that Bethany and I watched with great laughter and appreciation as it revealed a little bit about the human heart and parenting. If you’ve never seen this show, it’s about a “middle” class family in “middle” America. It’s a classic family sitcom, but it’s narrated from the viewpoint of the mom Franki (Patricia Heaton) to give us an insight in to her feelings and thoughts about being a mom and having a family in “the middle”. Here’s the clip:
The rest of the episode goes on to show just how the parents “take back their lives” in a pretty amusing fashion. The furniture in the living room is rearranged just the way mom wants it. The dad and mom are high-fiving every time they “take back” another portion of their lives, be it the kind of pizza they order, taking a parent’s night out with friends, not dropping everything to cater to any one of their kids specific/immediate needs, etc. Bethany and I were just laughing in agreement as the parents actually start to rule the home and not let the kids run the place. The kids of course are completely taken back that their parents are now saying “no” and their efforts to plead with the parents to go back to the way things were before simply creates hilarity throughout.
It all reminded me of a blog I read just this week from Jay Younts of the Shepherd’s Press blog titled “Go to Sleep!”. It’s a critique of a new book that tries to humorously discuss why kids just won’t “go to sleep” and are annoying their tired and frustrated parents. The problem is, as Jay Younts argues, “Children were never intended to be installed as rulers of the universe…“. And often this is exactly what they are in families today, rulers of their own schedules, bed times, toy selection, and the like. But there’s already a ruler of the universe–his name is Jesus. And when children begin to rule their own universe (e.g. parents, household, etc.), and when parents reinforce this sense of dominion in the child it will only frustrate everyone involved. That’s why we need the Gospel. Without the Gospel, Jesus doesn’t rule in our hearts and stake the claim He rightfully owns (paid for by His shed blood) in our homes, children, and families. What we end up with is a war for authority of which each little battle is often won by the children who finally win the war.
By the end of the episode both parents finally “give in” to one of their child’s needs and basically go back to their old ways. The furniture is rearranged to the way it was, the parents drop everything to meet their children’s needs, etc. Honestly, they needed balance in their approach, but it’s still sad that they couldn’t stay committed to ruling their home as the authority in the kid’s lives. In the final scene, Franki (the mom) goes outside to get the mail and another mom with a toddler in a stroller are walking by. The child is obviously not happy about something and you hear the other mom saying “What is it honey? Whatever you need I’ll get it for you.” Franki quickly approaches the mom and says, “Don’t do it! Don’t give him everything he wants!” It was a last ditch effort to keep her dream alive of helping another mom change her ways before it’s too late! The concerned mom just gives Franki an odd look, helps her child, and keeps walking down the sidewalk. As Franki stands there watching them walk away we hear her say “She won’t listen”, as if to say “It’s a lost cause. In the end, the kids win. Parents lose.” You’re right, Franki. If parents keep letting their kids rule the universe, it’ll be a lost cause to try and rule your home. It’s only when parents see that their children were designed for authority and limits that blessing will come.
