April 25, 2002 10:46 P.M.

Talk about a roller coaster day. I’ve been up and down and back and forth.

If you haven’t guessed it already, I’m kind of emotional. Things happen around me and it makes me think of things and I either end up crying or writing a song about it. Not necessarily in that order. But today, was crying. Crying during my prayer time in the morning, crying during worship time at school. Just crying because things have been going on around me that I have no control over. Sometimes I find security in that control. But I feel that people haven’t given me a chance. It’s hard to explain really, but I am getting jacked. No joke. It should be better by tomorrow, but maybe I allow myself to explain myself too well. Maybe I don’t explain myself enough? Not sure. I’m not even sure that I am talking to anyone in this journal or just writing my thoughts down and posting them so people can see inside my head! Geeze.. I’m a freak, and I know it.

Look at me in that photo. That’s how I feel. But what is it? What’s going on inside of me that’s making go nuts. Can’t a guy be a guy? GEEZE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I don’t know. I can’t understand myself right now. The problem is-is that I want to explain myself in more detail, but I can’t share those things on here. I know you kids are getting to know me more and more every journal you read, but today, well today is a step back in the “knowing of shay” time. haha. Sometimes I’m funny, but rarely apparently.

I need to go read my Bible. It’s a love letter; I like love letters.


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